Jokes

             

Who's driving this car?

A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the backseat. The women just won't leave him alone. His mother-in-law says, "You're driving too fast!" His wife says, "Stay more to the left."

After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who's driving this car? You or your mother?"

              

                                 Facebook Love

My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I wrote the Facebook status "I'm getting a divorce," he was the first one to click Like.

                

                    The Three Week Diet

A man says to a friend, "My wife is on a three-week diet."

"Oh, yeah? How much has she lost so far?" asks his pal.

He replies, "Two weeks."

                   

                           At the Airport

Tourist: How much is it to the Airport?

Taxi driver: That's five pounds twenty.

Tourist: And how much is it for the luggage?

Taxi driver: The luggage, of course, is free.

Tourist: All right, just take that stuff along. I'm walking.